Teaching children about personal boundaries and body safety is a crucial aspect of parenting. Empowering your child with the knowledge to distinguish between safe and unsafe touch can protect them from potential harm and foster a sense of autonomy over their own bodies.

Licensed psychotherapist Janel Coleman emphasizes the importance of using the terms “safe” and “unsafe” touch instead of “good” and “bad” touch.

“When we define something as good or bad to a child, it can create a judgment of their morality—meaning that there can be a feeling that they are bad when experiencing certain types of touch, or if the touch feels good but is ‘bad,’ that can be confusing, especially for children,” she explained.

Define “Private Parts” Clearly

Start by explaining what private parts are in simple terms.

“Private parts are the areas that are covered by your swimsuit,” Coleman said. “These areas are sensitive, and it is important that we keep them safe.”

This kind of analogy makes it easier for kids to understand what parts of their bodies are meant to stay private.

Use the Right Words for Body Parts

Don’t shy away from anatomically correct language. Referring to the vagina, penis, and buttocks by their proper names reduces confusion and promotes a healthy understanding of their bodies. Coleman recommends using anatomically correct dolls and books like “Who Has What?” by Robie Harris to assist in this education. This approach not only normalizes these terms but also equips children with the language to communicate clearly about their bodies.

Make Everyday Moments Teachable

Everyday activities provide opportunities to reinforce lessons about body safety.

“You can use getting ready for bed or school as a time to remind children that no one should be touching their private parts unless they’re caregivers or medical professional helping them in age-appropriate ways,” Coleman explained.

For instance, explaining that a doctor may need to examine private parts during a check-up if there’s a health concern helps children understand exceptions in a safe context.

Talk About Feelings and Gut Instincts

Helping children articulate their emotions is vital in recognizing safe and unsafe situations. Coleman suggests connecting these feelings to their lived experiences, such as feeling safe when playing with friends or feeling uneasy in unfamiliar situations. Tools like feelings wheels can aid children in identifying and expressing their emotions effectively.

Model the Emotional Language You Want Them to Use

Demonstrate how to express feelings by using clear language and identifying physical sensations associated with emotions.

“I felt a little nervous watching the movie about clowns. I felt that in my tummy, and my heart was beating fast. How did you feel watching this movie?,” Coleman used as an example.

This practice encourages children to recognize and verbalize their own feelings, fostering emotional intelligence.

Teach Them It’s OK to Say No and Tell Someone

Emphasize to your child that they should never keep secrets about touches or experiences that make them feel uncomfortable. Coleman highlights the significance of identifying trusted adults and understanding when to approach them. These are individuals who can help keep them safe. Teaching children that it’s okay to say “no” and to report any unsafe touch to a trusted adult reinforces their right to personal boundaries.

By integrating these practices into your parenting approach, you will equip your child with the knowledge and confidence to navigate their world safely. Open communication, education, and supportive dialogue are key components in teaching children about body safety and personal boundaries.

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